50 Shades of Purple
by Barney's Cum Bucket
Summary: Barney and friends go on curious misadventures when a mysterious pizzaria called Freddy Fazbear's opens up in town!
1. chapter 1

"Oh yes, Yes, YES OH GOD DON'T STOP I WANT YOUR CUM, I NEED YOUR CUM, FUCK ME HARDER, FUCK ME FASTER, DON'T STOP BARNEY!" Slutty McSlutson's entire body shook with pleasure as Barney climaxed, and ripped his giant purple dick out of her 6 year old pussy. "Want a smoke?" Asked Barney as he put on their favorite show Boku no Pico. "Where's the alcohol?" She replied. Slutty always drank when she smoked. Luckily for her Barney had a bottle of vodka. "you know we should try that sometime." said Slutty as Pico came on the ceiling of the car. "Say no more, TO THE BARNEYMOBILE!" They ran into the sex cave. The sex cave is Barney's personal sex dungeon and is also where he keeps his Barneymobile. There's only one entrance, a portal inside Barney's dick, and one exit, a giant asshole of a lolicon painting, inside of which there is another portal. They rushed past dozens of cells filled to the brim with Barney's "prime specimens". He got into the dick shaped car and got into position. After "the act" Barney decided that he had had his way with this town, and he was ready to move to the next. He weighed his options and decided to travel to the little known town of , * Unfortunately he was going to have some competition. A new pizzeria by the name of Freddy Fazzbear's had opened up in town.

Barney had finally chosen his next victim, and had climbed up the wall of his house, but when he tried to open the window he found that it was wide open. He looked inside and saw the faint outline of what looked like a rabbit taking his kid out of the bed. "Hey, fuck off, that's my kid!" He whispered. The rabbit simply turned it's head, screeched, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. Suddenly he heard footsteps coming and a concerned voice climbing upstairs "Owen?" It said. Barney climbed back down the wall and ran off. "Shit!" he said " I forgot to leave the note!" Now he knew that he was on the clock. Not only were bunnies stealing his kids, but the parents were going to know the kids were being kidnapped. He went into hyperdrive grabbing as many kids as he could with no care as to how much noise, or how many dick shaped holes he left in people's houses. After a hard nights work of subgugating children in his dungeon, he got into bed with slutty. "You ready to get it on?" He asked "Is that even a question?" Replied slutty, but no sooner had Barney stuck it in her ass than, had two animatronic animals, a rabbit and a chicken, crashed through the door. They ran at slutty, but barney's dick was too fast. It went up the chicken's ass and came out through it's mouth, killing it. His dick then pinned the rabbit to the wall, but the rabbit broke the wall and ran. His dick was about to attack, but "Wait." Said Barney "We'll follow it to their base of operations, who knows how many kids are there!" His dick got noticeably thicker and nodded vigorously at him, and so they left to follow him. When Barney saw where he had led them he almost choked on his own stupidity "OF COURSE, FREDDY FAZBEAR'S! How could I have been so dumb! That rabbit is Bonnie!" He yelled "All right Bonnie you're time is up. Come out and it might not hurt." But there was no reply. His dick busted down the door. It was so energetic that as soon as it saw a kid it raped him until he died of exhaustion. "Where are they?" Asked Barney "Oh well, let's get those kids!" But his dick only brought back nine. "Only nine?" He said "Wait a minute, get a pizza!" As soon as his dick smelled the pizza, however he started penetrating it. "Oh god Freddy's pizza, is children! What kind of monster would use perfectly good cum buckets as food!" Said Barney "Wait a minute. I KNOW WHY THEY AREN'T HERE! THEY'RE AFTER SLUTTY!" He yelled angrily. Within seconds he had crashed through the ceiling. The animatronics turned there heads to look at the intrude. Slutty was crying as Freddy was about to rape her. "YOU'VE DONE IT NOW MOTHERFUCKERS!" Said Barney as he jumped on Freddy, ripped his arms from his sockets, and crushed his skull. He charged at the other two and three them through the wall and into the entrance of his house, where hundreds of parents and a few police officers where searching for the lost children. Barney's dick went into a blind rage raping everyone so hard their heads exploded in a horrifying vision of red and purple.


	2. 50 Shades of Purple chapter 2

After that frightful night Barney decided to move towns once again, but on the road he reicieved a transmission from the Society of Child Rapists Worldwide, or S.C.R.W. For short. "Barney" said Shrek " Me and donkey have been scouting around your area and found what appears to be a fleet of bombers heading your way! Also there's a passenger plane nearby." Barney wasted no time he drove into his dick, and parked the Barneymobile. He then exited the sex cave, and jumped up to intercept the passenger plane. He smashed through the bottom of the plane, and his dick quickly put all the children that were in the plane, in the cave, and returned. "Aw come on you could't have saved one for right now? Whatever, let's find the youngest person left. They look around as parents cried and passengers stared dumbstruck. "Ah here we go I found young ginger!" Said Barney excitedly "Eugene eh." He pushed Eugene into the planes bathroom and turned of the light "No, I'm not ready for this level of commitment" said Eugene, luckily for him the army started shooting at the plane. "Damn it, those planes were fighters, not bombers!" Said Barney "Alright big guy you no what to do. Barney jumped out the side of the plane. The planes shot at him but he swerved out of the way. He was about to use his signature attack, the Dick Explosion! It's similar to the maneuver his dick used the previous night but much more deadly. His dick shrank to be incredibly thin and speeded towards the fighter jets it went straight through the fuel tanks and up the pilots' ass, then, in a blinding instant his dick expanded causing both the jets, and the pilots to explode. He then went back into the sex cave and got into the Barneymobile, and continued driving. He then sent a transmission back to Shrek. "I want the name of the man who authorized that strike, now!" He said "All right, just a moment" said Shrek "Some guy named Steve Schwartz." He went on "works at the pentagon" Barney drove off as fast as he could towards the pentagon

"Sir, something is speeding towards us at 756 MPH, It may be a missle!" Said a solider "Oh god that isn't a missle, IT'S BARNEY! SOUND THE ALARM!" Everyone rushed to the bunker as Barney drove towards them. When he got there he dived dick first into the pentagon leveling it to the ground and leaving a gigantic hole in the roof of the bunker "STTTTTTTEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEE" he roared as he tore the entire roof off of the bunker. "Please, I have a wife and family!" Said Steve "Shouldn't have told me that!" Replied Barney "Wait, I-I-I-can tell you who let me authorize the jets!" Steve bargained "Well if it isn't you I can't let them go unpunished!" Said Barney "it was Trump!" Said Steve "I see, oh and one more thing give me a calendar." Said Barney "Ha, thought you could pull a fast one on me did you! Today's bring your daughter to work day!" With that he quickly ran around the bunker, storing all the little, and not so little, girls in his dick. When he had crashed into the Oval Office however he was not met with a cowering trump, but an angry one. "Damnit Sam you told me that jet force would y'uge! You said that dinosaur would be very dead, but here he is now, very not dead! You're fired! I only deal with the very best!" Said Trump. There was a monitor with a man with the most magnificent beard the world had ever seen. "I did the best with the knowledge I was given, I thought 20 would be enough!" He said in a thick Irish accent. The man lost connection and left. "That was Samuel O'Conner, or as he calls him self, 'The Anime Missionary', pretentious asshole. Anyways, I assume you came to kill me and/or rape my beautiful daughter?" Said Trump "I figured she looked young enough" replied Barney "Well before you do, kill that asshole Sam for me, will you!" Asked trump "sure, why not" replied Barney. And so, Barney drove to Ireland, but when he got there he got a feeling better than every orgasm he'd ever had put together. He tried to kill Sam, but his beard was too amazing "Damnit, I might not be able to murder that beautiful beard, but I know someone who can, tomorrow we fight at Stitling bridge!" So Barney went out to find the most vile, evil, disgusting individuals he knew CNN journalists, and they were led by the most despicable person he knew, Justin Beiber. Barney wasn't the only one mustering an army. Samuel had rallied weeaboos from all over the world. On top of this, he had an elite force of 100 cosplayers and self proclaimed ninjas.

"Sons of Anime, I am Samuel O'Conner senpai-san desu." Said Samuel. "Samuel O'Conner senpai-san is 7 feet tall desu." Replied a young weeb. "Yes, I've heard desu. Kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume CNN with katanas from his eyes and anime body pillows from his arse desu. I AM Samuel O'Conner senpai-san desu. And I see a whole army of my fellow weeaboos here in defiance of tyranny desu. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom desu? Will you fight desu?" Asked Samuel "Fight desu? Against that desu? No, we will run; and we will live desu." Answered a cosplayer "Aye, fight and you may die desu. Run and you'll live -- at least a while desu. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom desu!" Yelled Samuel. And so Samuel's forces, and Barney's clashed in a brutal spectacle on that Scottish bridge. An hour into the battle however, it was apparent that Barney was winning. CNN wrote fake news, and Justin Beiber sang bad enough to make the weeaboos' heads explode. But When things were looking the most dire, there was an anime plot twist. The ghost of William Wallace appeared to talk to Sam. "Samuel you aren't a full blooded Irishman, you're half Scottish! And a kinsman to me no less! I know you will push back CNN just as I repelled the English here at the battle of Stirling!" He said. Filled with newfound confidence Samuel. Sam put his hands behind his back, and ran, Naruto style, towards Justin he jumped into the air did some ninja hand signs and pulled a glowing red katana out of his hand. He came down and decapitated Beiber. Cracks started forming in the ground, golden light started pouring out as Sam rose of the ground. There was a blinding flash as Sam fell back down to the ground, he had ascended to a stage 26 weeaboo. He flew towards Barney and punched him in the dick so hard he flew into the horizon "I'm blasting off again!" Yelled Barney.


	3. 50 Shades of Purple Chapter 3 part 1

Barney found himself in a snowy field in an undisclosed location. "Where am I?" He asked. Suddenly an older man appeared over him. Barney's dick propelled him backwards, startled, but as soon as he got a good look at him he fell to his knees in a bow, it was none other than his mentor, the star of episode 1 of Boku no Pico Tomotsu! "Tomotsu sensei! I thought you'd been arrested!" Said Barney. "Did you really think any prison could me? Well anyways I've already told you I'm not your teacher anymore we're equals! Call me Mokkun." Replied Mokkun "Now we will be playing our greeting game, but since it's been so long I thought we'd add a wager. If you win I'll let you fuck Pico, but if I win I get to fuck you as the Dom. Whadda' you say?" Asked Mokkun. "Sure" replied Barney. And so Barney went into his dick and brought back 22 children for their game of human centipede jousting. They would attach 6 children together ass-to-mouth, human centipede style to create a horse that they'd connect to their own assholes. Then they would take the other 5 and impale them on their dicks, while also attaching them ass to mouth. And so the games began. They swerved around and fought with boundless grace, it was truly a sight to behold! At one point, Barney penetrated Mokkun's "horse" and it appeared that he would be thrown from it, but he quickly recovered. In the end, while they both fought hard Mokkun eventually came out on top. As was customary the un-impaled children were detached, given gimp suits and promoted to Dom status in their respective sectors of Barney's Dick Dungeon. "Well, I think you know what this means!" Said Mokkun excitedly as he licked his lips. Barney said nothing and merely got on his knees and opened his asshole to Mokkun. "You ready buddy?!" Mokkun asked his dick his dick looked at him and nodded vigorously as it grew to two feet in diameter. And so Mokkun plunged his enormous sweaty dick into barney's asshole and furiously pounded it. In and out in and out in and out as faster than the human eye could see. Smegma was flung everywhere. An hour later and after every living animal within a 1-mile radius of the area had fled in fright because of barney's screams, Mokkun finally came launching Barney several miles into the air before he fell back to earth. "Well, it was nice to see you, but I think it's time for you to see slutty again, I've already called her she should be driving the Barneymobile here now." Said Mokkun, then almost as if on kea she arrived. "Goodbye sensei!" Said Barney "to our next meeting!" And so they were off on the road again. But no sooner had they started driving than a transmission from S.C.R.W. Came in. "Barney!" Said Shrek "The president wants to see you immediately!" And so they left to the S.C.R.W headquarters. "All right slutty just stay in the car, things might get a little nasty in there." Said Barney "all right" replied Slutty. Barney walked in and saw Shrek "You better make sure to stay collected in there, I don't know why he called you in, but Mickey's looking pretty smug." Said Shrek "I'll do my best" Barney replied. He walked up to the second floor, "oh, hey Barney." Said Bugs Bunny, "I'm just trying to figure out the most efficient way to shove carrots up a kids ass. What are you doing?" Asked Bugs "gotta meeting with the boss." Barney replied "ouch!" Bugs said, wincing, "well you better not keep him waiting." So Barney walked up to the next floor, "Barney! How's it going!" Said John Smith "Well, how are you and Pochahontas doing?" Asked Barney. This was obviously a sore spot, however, as his smile suddenly turned into a scowl "I can't believe it, I really can't." He said. "What's wrong?" Asked Barney. "She's 13." He replied, "Oh god, I'm so sorry I had no idea!" Said Barney, "I wish you had told me earlier before she grew up, I could have given you some of my distilled cum! Well, you have my condolences, but I've gotta go." Next was Papa Smurf, one of the oldest members of the organization. "By golly, these pants are a miracle product!" He yelled "Oh hey there Barney, I was just remarking about how amazing these iron pants are! My dick hasn't busted a 20-foot hole in my wall once this entire month!" "Wow! That really is amazing, well Mickey needs me, so I better not keep him waiting." And with that he walked up to the final floor. Outside of Mickey's office was his secretary Minnie Mouse. "Oh Barney, it's sooo good to see you again!" Said Minnie seductively as she climbed on top of the desk, exposing as much as possible. "Why don't you CUM over here!" She moaned "Minnie," he said "we've gone over this, you. are. past. your. prime. I don't want you. Now I'm gonna go in and meet with Mickey." He told her "Please! Could you at least tell me how your meeting goes with Mickey so that I can masturbate while I imagine how powerful he is in bed?" She asked "Minnie, you know I couldn't do that if I wanted to! Our sex meetings are confidential, and besides, I don't think this is one of them. Now goodbye." He said as he walked into the office. "Why hello there Barney! Do you know why I called you here?" Asked Mickey Mouse. "No, I don't." Replied Barney. "Well, I just wanted to remind you that there are only 2 months left in the year and that you still don't even have a fifth of the rapes that I had when I became president. Are you sure you don't want to call this bet off, I'll only take half of your dungeon, hell I'll even let you keep slutty!" He told him "I'm well aware of that and I'm not calling the bet off." Replied Barney. "Now is that all you called me in for?" Mickey's smug smile turned into his a frown, "you better start getting ready for your new life as my personal sex slave then, but no that's not all. You see you still haven't even reached your minimum quota for rapes per year. That coupled with your constant divergences, the pizzeria, that annoying Irishman, your recent visit with Mokkun, make me think you aren't committed to your job, and yet you claim you to be trying to become president." Said Mickey "What I do in my spare time is my own damn Business!" Barney yelled angrily as he stood up "Then you'll never surpass me, Barney!" Mickey yelled back throwing his hands down on the table. "Your time is passed, Mickey! It's time to make way for the next generation!" He yelled as he jumped through the window and into his car. After a few minutes of silence slutty finally spoke up. "What happened?" She asked, "I need to rape a lot more children our I'm gonna lose everything." He replied, "Oh Barney I love you!" Said slutty with tears in her eyes, as she clung to Barney. "Please don't leave me! Whatever you do please rape those children!" Barney consoles her saying "Don't worry slutty I know what to do. I'm going to visit an old friend." And so they made their way to Russia, where they could visit a friend in the Kremlin. "Ah Putin! Shirtless as always I see!" Said Barney "Ahhh my large purple friend, yes I just finished authorized my personal internet trolls to spread fake news to help Trump get elected, despite the fact that that is one of the stupidest, most ineffective ways I could possibly meddle in the American election, but enough cringey straw-manning, agenda pushing, and fourth wall breaking. I heard you wanted to see my daughters." Putin monologued. "Yes, those cat ears are just adorable, and they are fantastic in bed!" Replied Barney. "You can say that again! So tight!" Putin responded "But that's not the biggest reason I came. I came primarily for networking purposes" said Barney. And so he visited the daughters' bedroom. "What do you want from us?" One of the daughters asked. "I need a constant supply of children" replied Barney "Oh don't worry we can get you the children, we just need two things. First of all, we need you to take care of some aliens who are abducting children, and second of all, it's been too long since you came to visit us! We've been very lonely, with only ourselves and our father to keep us company! Stay a while so we can make you feel very good." She said. Barney said nothing. He merely smirked and took out his dick with a whip crack sound effect. He penetrated one of the daughters with his tail as she did the same. Another one saw his throbbing dick and made a running jump into it and started riding him. The third sister was nowhere to be seen, however, and he soon learned why. He felt a needle prick in his back as the third sister injected him with a special chemical made for the express purpose of knocking him out. Barney felt drowsy, and he began to slump as everything went black.


End file.
